With Cash money the way he is, all crazy and out of control, I've decided to turn to books about raising boys for help. Cash really isn't that bad, he is crazy but overall he is a good kid, I just want to raise him the best way that we can and we do have two boys so hoping that there is some crossover in raising them. Cash doesn't take much for listening but I think that has as much to do with him being 3 as it does with being a boy. I think that the terrible twos are nothing compared to the horrible threes.
The first book I read was Boys Adrift by Dr. Sax. This book is great if you are white-middle to upper class and have a boy. If your boy does not fit in this category, the book will be still be of help but if your boy does fit in this category it's a great book. The author mentions more then once that this is not a book about girls or minorities. The middle to upper class part I figured out in the fact that most of his stories are about boys that have the option of private schools and in good neighborhoods with decent public schools. I do believe that Dr. Sax tried to offer advice to those who do not have the liberty of unlimited funds but he fall short with this advice.
The main focus of this book is to identify why boys are remaining boys and not growing up to be responsible men. The author uses a lot of generalizations and admits this. Not all men remain boys but an increasing percentage do. Why are boys content with living at home, not going to college or trade school, why don't they care about high school or much else?
I saw much of myself and friends in parts of the book which helped answer some questions and should be helpful for me. It did take me until I was 30 to get a four year degree! Dr. Sax comes to five factors that influence boys and he does this after a long career as a psychologist. The five factors from his website:
1 - Video Games. Studies suggest that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.
2 - Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school.
3 - Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains.
4 - Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack.
5 - Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.
Dr. Sax uses the movie Failure to Launch as an example of what he is talking about. Boys are smart and creative but have no initiative to do something with their lives. Boys are living at home with their parents far longer then they should with no goal of finishing school or saving for a house but just rather because mommy takes care of everything.
From me:
1 - Video Games. He says that it's not all games that are bad but violent games and spending too much time playing these games. When boys would rather play video games then real sports then there is a problem. Of course not all boys play video games and video games do not lead to problem boys in every case.
2 - Teaching Methods. Boys are not meant to sit still in class rooms learning to read when they are 5 or even 6. Kindergarten has changed and is now what 1st grade use to be. There is less time devoted to activities that requires exploring type learning and more time is devoted to sitting in desks learning. School today are more focused on desk learning and much less on experience learning. Most boys do much better with experience learning. They could care less to read or hear about how a tadpole transforms into a frog unless they have seen and chased tadpoles and frogs in a pond.
3 - Prescription Drugs. ADHD is a real problem but most boys who are diagnosed are miss diagnosed and most boys who do have ADHD could be helped with drugs that have fewer long term side effects.
4 - Endocrine Disruptors. Im going to try and put together a post to talk more on this.
5 - Devaluation of Masculinity. American society does not have any traditions that introduce boys into manhood. Most societies have some type of ritual where the boy can show that he is ready to become or has become a man. Boys do not have role models on how to act like a man. Again these are generalizations like everything else in the book. This is where I feel that LDS boys/men have an advantage, the priesthood teaches many young men how to become and act like men (whether they do or not is a different story) and sending boys on two year missions could be a ritual of when a boy becomes a man (again, whether they do or not is a different story).
Overall I thought that this was a great book and gave me many ideas on how I can better raise my boys. I would suggest this book to anyone who is raising boys at any age. My sister is reading my copy now and then T will is going to read it, after that any of you are welcome to borrow Boy Adrift.
